Three Months Down

Yesterday marked the beginning of our fourth month as a family.  We had a full care team meeting at our home and planned for the rest of the summer; well, as best one can with a mercurial twelvie on board.

I have finally figured out a way to resolve the 'sleep until forever' issue; I have to wake up at 6 am and catch him when he sneaks down for a bowk of cereal. We've had a good morning so far, and I've got him down to the park to get some sun and activity in before the oppressive heat has fully arrived

This morning was a constant "watch, watch this, see me make this" with him and both Minecraft and Clash of Clans.   It was wonderful.


Pride Weekend thoughts

We've reached a new normal at the house, as summer vacation pseudo-routines start to settle in. The lad is sleeping rather a lot, but then again he's 12 and almost visibly growing. I would rather if he fell asleep earlier than he does (and therefore wake up earlier), but it is what it is.

I was debating dragging him down to Family Day at Pride, but then decided against it. He is new to our home, new to having two daddies, and has still not entirely internalized that we want to give him a forever home. Trotting him around Civic Center Park with me in full Pridefest regalia (or even one of my queer positive Tees) seems a bridge too early. There is always next year, after all; no rush.

We are going to send the kid to a week-long horse camp next month. I am looking for some other activities that have at least some level of structure to them that will appeal to him so that he can both grow as a person and get the eff out of the house every now and again. I know he's never had access to the sheer level of geek-toys we have, so it's forgivable that he wants to exploit them, but there are limits.

Overall, though, it's been a wonderful three months. Here's to the next 360 or so!
  • Current Location: Home Sweet Home
  • Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
  • Current Music: A Shark Tale (Movie)

A Fish Tale

Since our young man arrived, he has repeatedly come back to one thing: he wants a Betta fish.  We have been reluctant to bring a living creature into the house until he's shown a certain level of maturity and responsibiliy, but the more I think on this it seems we've put the lad in a Catch-22: Taking care of a tropical fish requires maturity and responsibility, which you could show by taking care of... wait, what?

So, he has been 'caring' for a digiital fish in a digital tank on an app on his phone; he has kept that fish alive.  Every interaction with animals I have seen him have has been respectful and proper.  I sent him the information on how to keep a betta happy, most of which he already knew.

The plus side? He gets to see we have a level of trust in him *and* he gets to make the house feel more like home. The down side? If the fish doesn't make it through neglect, he will feel worse about himself than he already does. 

I am leaning towards yes at this point.  It's a fairly small risk to take for such a potentially large reward.  My husband isn't yet sold, not wanting to put the fish into an unhappy situation for said fish.  I can see his side, and we don't act unilaterally.

So, dear readers: fish or no fish, and show your work.


Let's Get Physical

Our boy has not been sleeping well of late, we needed to get him into regular care, and he was.due for his HPV vaccine.  Add these together and you get Annual Physical.  The fun bit? He had managed to stay up all night to try to avoid going.   He is beyond uncomfortable with strangers seeing him undressed even a bit and with any actual touching, with empahsis on "his junk."

I worked with the PA to manage a full-ish workup within these limitations, and I backed our son up whenever he needed to say no.  I know this may well have a cause; he'll tell me if and when he's ready.  This is not an area to force; nor one about which I will blog.

He's a strong kid; he just needs to know we have his back.


It's a Small World

And a busy one.  The past few days have left me little time to reflect, what with my big sis getting an expedited work visa in Dublin, intensive Spring Cleaning, various activities and some major sleep issues.  IOW, rather than a typical start to summer vacay, it is an atypical one. 

Our kiddo opened up to us Saturday night about how he and his mom would often be walking into the we hours trying to get to a safe place to sleep, and that is why he just doesn't sleep easy or early.  We have a doctor's appt on Thursday, so we hope to get a plan together for that then.

Now, for the title.  The  boy wanted to see the Spongebob movie in a theater; I found only one discount house still showing it up near where he used to go to school.   We had been visiting with the aforementioned big sis when I told him that we'd have time to see his film if we headed directly there from downtown; he was happy, I was happy... and then it got weird.

We walked into the concession/game area to find his best friend from school playing one of the games.  I now have both of them at their favorite skatepark for the afternoon.

Small world indeed!


The Ears Have It

The past two days have been pretty much all about 'whew, I survived Elementary School.' He came home Thursday with a Soloist Award for his performance at the music night as well as the 'wacky' version of his class photo. We will be getting his Continuation Certificate and these two items framed tomorrow, to hang in his room a la the degrees posted at a doctor's office. He then asked yet again if he could get his ears pierced.

'Yet again?' Yup. He's been asking since he came to us back in March. We decided that it wasn't a thing to spring upon his classmates the last month of the school year, where he had already had some taunting. It would be one more thing they could go after him about. We also decided that any body modification, even if easily reversible, needed to be a thing he had proven he really, really wanted. After we made him get permission from his cert worker and his GAL, we 'relented' and agreed; then the prodding was all about 'we go now'. Constant. Incessant. Katie Kaboom could do no better than his tantrums on this. I waited until after he had calmed down, acceded to getting it done over the weekend, and then 'relented' and said we'd go Friday. I already knew that's what was going to be happening, but I very much wanted him to at least get the concept of delayed gratification. The next time, it will actually be delayed.

Friday morning, the questions were different: "Does it hurt?" "How much?" "Can I take them out?" The usual. I got my first ear piercing at 13, so I had the knowledge to answer each and every one of those. I did some research to locate a place to get it done that WASN'T Claire's but would still pierce someone under 15. I settled on the Piercing Pagoda. Say what you will about mall kiosk piercers, they were extremely professional and got the job done with very little fuss. He chose a pair of CZ piercing studs, showing he has sense for what looks good on him. I made sure he knew how to do the aftercare and how important it was. This afternoon, though, he wanted me to do the cleaning for him. I had another of those verklempt moments, but then I grabbed the Q-tip and swabbed away.

He's with my husband at (where else) the skate park this afternoon while I take care of household chores. I am so glad for any time those two get to share together, I can't even with it.
  • Current Mood: optimistic optimistic
  • Current Music: Same Love - Macklemore

School's Out For Summer

In about 30 minutes, I'll be waking our newly minted Seventh Grader up for his last day at his elementary school.  This leads directly into our first summer vacation as parents.  We have almost three months to manage a balance between structured and non-structured time; as he still hasn't chosen a single Summer Activity, this will be interesting


The Week That Was

I just realized that I hadn't posted in a week; that's not like me at all.  It has been insanely busy over here, though, and I had to prioritize the doing over the writing.

A lot has happened since last I wrote.  Thursday was the school's year end music performance, with all grades represented.   Our boy played a four hand piano piece with his friend to the accompaniment of his class on bells.  I was so proud of him I couldn't even with it, but he was as ever his own worst critic.  I did get it on video so he could see just how good he was.

Friday was just another Friday, but Saturday was fun.  The kiddo went fishing with the one good boyfriend his Mom had had, while Thorn and I had a date day.  Much relaxing was done, so yay us.  That evening, we took the lad to his first late showing at a theater, getting home just around midnight.  A rite of passage, that.

Sunday was mostly about his siblings' joint birthday party.  They were turning three and four respectively, so it was a combined Frozen/Monsters Inc theme.  We got to meet some of the people who had fostered our guy before us, which was valuable, and he got to reconnect with his sibs.  He was despondent that 'they don't even know me anymore'; I am going to do my best to ensure he has more frequent contact with them.

Yesterday I took a break and let my husband take the kid out by himself.  I spend the lions share of time with him, so that attachment isn't forming quite as strongly as I'd like.  Things seem a little better between them today, which is...

CONTINUATION!  He isn't very comfortable speaking in front of groups, so he's been resisting going, but I believe I've incentivized him enough that he'll muddle through.  Thorn and I cannot WAIT to see him walk across that stage and leave a difficult part of his life behind him forever.


Spinning Plates

It's been a few months now since our family grew by 33%, and I think I'm finally getting all the plates spinning. I have been able to (slowly) get back to significant billable hours as well as managing the routines of my boys. I keep them fed, knowing when and where they need to be, and providing love and support along the way.

Of course, now that I've got the balancing act going, we face summer vacation. He has yet to settle on a summer activity (or two), and I am loathe to select for him. He is aware he doesn't get two months of sitting in front of the PS4 growing larger, or at least he claims he is. I hope to be able to use our three day weekend and his Continuation to help him look forward.

Headaches Abound

It's been a pretty busy time over here at Casaverde. We spent more time at the usual haunts, we saw a few movies and we have generally been ticking along like any family, except for the twin headaches of defiance and, well, actual headaches.

I'll start with the defiance: The kiddo and I are almost always together, except when he's at school or when we're sleeping. He sees me more as the parent; I get the wheedling, the pleading, and the deal making. He sees my husband as 'the other guy'; he disrespects him relatively often. It came to a head on Sunday, when Joe had wanted to show me a new trick he could do and I sent Thorn instead. He got huffy, refused to show Thorn and scooted over to the library to get me. I told him that this was Thorn's turn, go show him. He still refused. We need to find a way for our kid to see us both as equal partners in this with different roles; so far, it's eluding me.

The second bit is perhaps more worrisome. It turns out he's been getting moderate to severe headaches most days for the past two weeks. I suspect a large part of that is his continual refusal to wear his glasses, but there are several other factors: He is still under the expected stressors of being in a relatively new placement with new rules, new expectations, new everything. In addition, his oldest sister has a history of migraines. I know that that in and of itself is not an indicator that his headaches *are* migraines, but it's a thing about which I worry.

I am making it my goal for the week to get him a primary care pediatrician. A doctor who sees him more than just at these periodic runs by the clinic would be able to more properly assess his issues.

Tonight, we are going to kick back and enjoy being a family over a home-cooked meal. There's little so primal than sharing food together.
  • Current Mood: determined determined